The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor

ooc:

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 21:51:10 -0500

ooc:

As you’ve all probably seen, I haven’t made many posts in the last half a year or so. I’m very sorry for that.

I should have done this a long while ago, but I’m going to go on official hiatus for now, as my studies are very intense this semester. I’ll try to rejoin you all around Christmastime, if not before.

Thank you for understanding, and feel free to control or speak for the good doctor while I am away.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll all find me on my personal if you haven’t already.

nothing but the best.: “You haven’t gone very far.”Bright blue eyes showed a trace of hidden...

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 01:34:43 -0500

nothing but the best.: “You haven’t gone very far.”Bright blue eyes showed a trace of hidden...:

cerberuscheerleader:

vega-n7:

cerberuscheerleader:

“You haven’t gone very far.”

Bright blue eyes showed a trace of hidden amusement as she appeared at Vega’s side. His omni tool was out, no doubt talking to a girlfriend or family back home. It’s what she would do. “I hope you’ve got somewhat acquainted with the crew. You’ll be spending every…

Vega was taken wholly by surprise to see Miranda, suddenly at his side. She was nearly of a height with him, so when he looked up, he locked eyes with her immediately. She spoke, and he listened, though not for lack of diversion. He found it hard to keep himself focused when talking to her. Like she’s designed to keep you off guard. Designed…wait. Nah, can’t be. Putting aside any insane musings, James got the gist of what she was saying, and why she was walking away. Definitely not to show me the better qualities of a stern walk off.

Shaking off his minor trance, he managed to utter a few words. “Alright, fine by me. Let’s go poke and prod.” As he moved to walk, he keyed off his omnitool, with a quick glance to make sure the report had sent. So far, so good.

The walk to the med bay was short. The doors opened at the detection of their step. “Doctor Chakwas,” she took a few more strides in. “Are you busy? If you are, I can come back with him later.” She was referring to the conversation they had earlier. “We just need to do some standard procedures. Shouldn’t take too long?” Miranda eyed Chakwas for affirmation.

“Of course,” Dr. Chakwas said, punching a code into her omni-tool as one of the cots rose a bit higher and tilted slightly diagonally.

“Please come in.”

She extended a hand to Vega, quirking an eyebrow at him. He really was massive.

“Lieutenant Vega, I’m Doctor Chakwas.”

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 03:24:40 -0500

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even when there were no patients to be seen or reports to be filed, there seemed always to be necessary occupations that kept her a busy woman.

Since Chakwas had risen (early, as usual) and eaten a small breakfast in the neighboring…

Well, that was quick.

Miranda admired Chakwas’ promptness, something to be adored in a ship full of rowdy crew members. She rose from her chair, the doors opening as she approached them. The good-looking older women stood before her, the other beckoning her into the office. When they were enclosed, her omni-tool arised from her arm, James’ face popping up once more. She really hoped he was worth all this trouble.

“Thanks for coming, Doctor.” She nodded curtly. “I know you must be busy, but as you may know, we have someone new on board.” Miranda was unsure if the woman was one for the gossip that must have been circulating, or if she was even one to care. It didn’t matter; the facts were all that mattered. “Young. Alliance. I’ll send you some of his basic information now.” After a few moments, they were transferred, just as a courtesy.

Miranda took a long breath before continuing, “I guess what I’m asking is for you to do a..medical evaluation, whenever you can. I’m sure he’s been checked over with the Alliance -” she bit her lip, “but you can never be too sure. Just make sure everything’s in order. If it is, then great.”

If not, then Shepard will need to know.

“I… hadn’t heard,” Chakwas said calmly.

A new member of the team was something of a rare occurrence under Shepard’s leadership. Especially someone young. Someone from the Alliance. People with long and dark pasts seemed to tend to be more Shepard’s speed these days, though she didn’t know much about this man- this Vega, read his information.

“You trust him?” Chakwas asked. No, wait, she thought. That wasn’t the question she’d meant to ask. It had been a slip of the tongue, a Freudian error, brought on by the fact that she could plainly see that Miranda did not trust him, but it was not the doctor’s place to notice.

“That is to say, you trust that he’s in good health? Nothing particular I need to check for?”

“You haven’t? Suppose I need to spend more time in your area.” She exhaled noisily, crossing her arms and leaning up against her desk. Although she put herself in the position, it was almost annoying how much the others talked. About lives, others, everything. Miranda’s nosiness annoyed even herself, but why people needed to talk so confused her. It could be comforting to spend a couple hours in the quiet. Especially with an intelligent woman and not a doggish marine.

Miranda quirked an eyebrow when Chakwas asked her the question, and although her terms with the doctor were good and they weren’t exactly on first name basis, she shrugged anyways. “About as much as I can throw him to be honest, but we need all the help we can get and the Alliance certainly agreed.” She pursed her lips when the other corrected herself in the same breath, a warmness flushing over the apples of her cheeks. No, of course the XO’spersonal opinion wasn’t the true question, why would it be?

“Ah, yes. He is. His arms are about the size of the ship’s cannon.” She smiled to show she was only joking, “I just want to specify he’s in working condition. Be on the safe side, you know.”

The rare smile from Miranda came to the old doctor as a surprise, but it was met as a pleasant one. Chakwas’ smile was wry and subtle, merely a small quirk of the corner of her lip, but her eyes showed the real humour, though her voice remained dry and professional.

“Ah, yes. Looks like, with Grunt, we’ve got a set of matching torpedoes to complement the Thanix cannon. Be that as it may, I’ll call him in for a routine physical. I presume he’s in crews’ quarters? Shall I give him some time to get settled, or would you prefer I get it done right away?”

Miranda glanced out of the window to Noveria’s ship confinement, greys and coldness almost cementing on the glass. She mulled over the two options in her head. The sooner the better, she figured, but a part of her wanted to give the man some slack. He had been through a lot in the past seventy two hours, and her constant prying had to be somewhat of a nuisance. “I’d say as soon as you can, Doctor, if you’re not too busy.”

She didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, as well, but she wanted to have the option to kick Vega’s ass off as quick as possible, if she had to. Besides, what was she planning on popping up? Better safe than sorry.

“You could report the details back to me or I could be there with you,” she unwrapped her arms from their entanglement in front of her chest, “unless he has to get naked or something, and in that case, I think he’d appreciate my non-being there.”

“Of course. He should stay at least mostly clothed, unless that’s a hint of disappointment I detect.”

Chakwas put one hand in the small of her back, regaining a bit of formality.

“Naturally, you’re welcome to observe. I shouldn’t mind it if you’d ‘spend more time in my area.’”

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 02:56:25 -0500

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even when there were no patients to be seen or reports to be filed, there seemed always to be necessary occupations that kept her a busy woman.

Since Chakwas had risen (early, as usual) and eaten a small breakfast in the neighboring…

Well, that was quick.

Miranda admired Chakwas’ promptness, something to be adored in a ship full of rowdy crew members. She rose from her chair, the doors opening as she approached them. The good-looking older women stood before her, the other beckoning her into the office. When they were enclosed, her omni-tool arised from her arm, James’ face popping up once more. She really hoped he was worth all this trouble.

“Thanks for coming, Doctor.” She nodded curtly. “I know you must be busy, but as you may know, we have someone new on board.” Miranda was unsure if the woman was one for the gossip that must have been circulating, or if she was even one to care. It didn’t matter; the facts were all that mattered. “Young. Alliance. I’ll send you some of his basic information now.” After a few moments, they were transferred, just as a courtesy.

Miranda took a long breath before continuing, “I guess what I’m asking is for you to do a..medical evaluation, whenever you can. I’m sure he’s been checked over with the Alliance -” she bit her lip, “but you can never be too sure. Just make sure everything’s in order. If it is, then great.”

If not, then Shepard will need to know.

“I… hadn’t heard,” Chakwas said calmly.

A new member of the team was something of a rare occurrence under Shepard’s leadership. Especially someone young. Someone from the Alliance. People with long and dark pasts seemed to tend to be more Shepard’s speed these days, though she didn’t know much about this man- this Vega, read his information.

“You trust him?” Chakwas asked. No, wait, she thought. That wasn’t the question she’d meant to ask. It had been a slip of the tongue, a Freudian error, brought on by the fact that she could plainly see that Miranda did not trust him, but it was not the doctor’s place to notice.

“That is to say, you trust that he’s in good health? Nothing particular I need to check for?”

“You haven’t? Suppose I need to spend more time in your area.” She exhaled noisily, crossing her arms and leaning up against her desk. Although she put herself in the position, it was almost annoying how much the others talked. About lives, others, everything. Miranda’s nosiness annoyed even herself, but why people needed to talk so confused her. It could be comforting to spend a couple hours in the quiet. Especially with an intelligent woman and not a doggish marine.

Miranda quirked an eyebrow when Chakwas asked her the question, and although her terms with the doctor were good and they weren’t exactly on first name basis, she shrugged anyways. “About as much as I can throw him to be honest, but we need all the help we can get and the Alliance certainly agreed.” She pursed her lips when the other corrected herself in the same breath, a warmness flushing over the apples of her cheeks. No, of course the XO’spersonal opinion wasn’t the true question, why would it be?

“Ah, yes. He is. His arms are about the size of the ship’s cannon.” She smiled to show she was only joking, “I just want to specify he’s in working condition. Be on the safe side, you know.”

The rare smile from Miranda came to the old doctor as a surprise, but it was met as a pleasant one. Chakwas’ smile was wry and subtle, merely a small quirk of the corner of her lip, but her eyes showed the real humour, though her voice remained dry and professional.

“Ah, yes. Looks like, with Grunt, we’ve got a set of matching torpedoes to complement the Thanix cannon. Be that as it may, I’ll call him in for a routine physical. I presume he’s in crews’ quarters? Shall I give him some time to get settled, or would you prefer I get it done right away?”

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 02:18:17 -0500

The Medical Journal of Dr. Chakwas, Ship's Doctor: Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even...:

cerberuscheerleader:

drchakwas:

Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even when there were no patients to be seen or reports to be filed, there seemed always to be necessary occupations that kept her a busy woman.

Since Chakwas had risen (early, as usual) and eaten a small breakfast in the neighboring…

Well, that was quick.

Miranda admired Chakwas’ promptness, something to be adored in a ship full of rowdy crew members. She rose from her chair, the doors opening as she approached them. The good-looking older women stood before her, the other beckoning her into the office. When they were enclosed, her omni-tool arised from her arm, James’ face popping up once more. She really hoped he was worth all this trouble.

“Thanks for coming, Doctor.” She nodded curtly. “I know you must be busy, but as you may know, we have someone new on board.” Miranda was unsure if the woman was one for the gossip that must have been circulating, or if she was even one to care. It didn’t matter; the facts were all that mattered. “Young. Alliance. I’ll send you some of his basic information now.” After a few moments, they were transferred, just as a courtesy.

Miranda took a long breath before continuing, “I guess what I’m asking is for you to do a..medical evaluation, whenever you can. I’m sure he’s been checked over with the Alliance -” she bit her lip, “but you can never be too sure. Just make sure everything’s in order. If it is, then great.”

If not, then Shepard will need to know.

“I… hadn’t heard,” Chakwas said calmly.

A new member of the team was something of a rare occurrence under Shepard’s leadership. Especially someone young. Someone from the Alliance. People with long and dark pasts seemed to tend to be more Shepard’s speed these days, though she didn’t know much about this man- this Vega, read his information.

“You trust him?” Chakwas asked. No, wait, she thought. That wasn’t the question she’d meant to ask. It had been a slip of the tongue, a Freudian error, brought on by the fact that she could plainly see that Miranda did not trust him, but it was not the doctor’s place to notice.

“That is to say, you trust that he’s in good health? Nothing particular I need to check for?”

Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even when there were no patients to be...

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 00:47:00 -0500

Dr. Chakwas sat at her desk in the medical bay, hard at work. Even when there were no patients to be seen or reports to be filed, there seemed always to be necessary occupations that kept her a busy woman.

Since Chakwas had risen (early, as usual) and eaten a small breakfast in the neighboring mess, she had been working diligently.

At present, her attention was turned to an article in a leading medical journal, claiming that the leading drug for strengthening bone density, Osserminex, had a small potential of linkage to increased heart attack risk. As she had prescribed the drug to Joker, and administered it to him biweekly, she carefully read the 30 page study and the information on the test cases, and passed it along to him, along with an assurance that the link seemed tenuous at best.

“It isn’t as though there’s a comparable treatment on the market,” she scoffed to herself. “What do they want them to do?”

She shook her head. She felt it was rather unscrupulous of the researchers to make such a study and then publish such vague results. That was a medication helping a lot of people- not just the rare Vrolik’s sufferers. If it were taken off the market, the consequences would be truly unfortunate.

But she was fairly sure her message would clear up any doubts Joker might have, especially since he likely wouldn’t have any. Jeff Moreau would not be the type of man to chew his nails over a thirty page medical study, much less make it through page one.

Chakwas checked the phials and syringes each week, making sure they would be prepared for his treatments and therapy. It was a great added duty to her job as chief medical officer, but not an unwelcome one.

She noticed a new message from Miranda Lawson. It was quite new, sent just a couple of minutes earlier. It asked her to come to the executive officer’s office for a “chat” She was surprised by the missive, but knew better than to keep Lawson waiting.

She made the very short trip across the way to Miranda’s office, then rapped upon the door sharply twice.

Photo

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 22:50:00 -0500

Dr. Chakwas looked down at her gloved fist, knowing well her clenched knuckles were white...

Fri, 18 May 2012 22:32:00 -0500

Dr. Chakwas looked down at her gloved fist, knowing well her clenched knuckles were white underneath. She forced her fingers lax and looked around the medical bay summarily. It was so stuffy, so hot, and, most maddeningly, so still. She so, so often had heard soldiers comment about the calm before the storm when battles approached.

In her decades of service, it was one of the things she heard most, and, though she felt it with them every time, she felt it more deeply while the battles raged.

The nervous impatience for horrible things that she felt while the ships circled each other in combat had to be what the soldiers felt before they were pitched against each other.

The fight was raging, or had just concluded, and all she could feel was the stillness and the dread. Just like always.

Chakwas un-tensed her fingers again.

jackie-nought: This place was boring as fuck. I couldn’t help the fact that I was still battling...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 15:52:07 -0600

jackie-nought:

This place was boring as fuck. I couldn’t help the fact that I was still battling those dead people in my head. All those dead kids frequented the small naps I was able to get since we had all that downtime. I did my own conditioning and my own training. I didn’t want them to see me all…Whatever. I sighed a little as I was lying on the cot in my hidey-hole, yawning once more as I let my mind wander again.

Massani.

That bastard Massani.

I had spent so much time by myself that I was actually starting to…Miss him. I quickly shook my head, trying to get that knee-weakening voice out. I knew he wasn’t too far away, but I didn’t feel like getting all ‘dependent’ again. I was getting soft. Too soft. To be completely honest, my feelings for him were starting to scare me. Another yawn and I rolled out of the cot as I had to go with that gut feeling that I had. I needed to see him. Maybe. Just maybe if I just visited for a bit, it would be all the time I needed to perhaps slap him in the face and yell at him for not even bothering to come see me down there in my little pit.

Those goddamn lights.

I HATED those bright lights. They were blinding the fuck out of me. I remembered Chakwas’ miracle pills that would help me with the light problem. I would probably need to pop a couple of those before it was time to kick some ass. The overwhelming headache blossomed from the center of my brain and began to attack my entire head as I made a soft grunt forgetting what I had to do in that instant.

What did I come up here for again?

I stood there in the hallway that would lead to the engine room as I rubbed the back of my head with a tattooed hand, “Come on Jack. GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT!”

~~Zaeed. We’re looking for Zaeed Jack.~~

But I don’t want to right now…I have a headache. I’m no good to Shepard with a headache.

~~…Hm. Maybe now isn’t the best time to go looking for him then.~~

For the love of—Just shut the fuck up. No one was asking you!

I continued to scuffle along, hearing the quiet whispers of the Normandy crew at their posts. They were surprised after seeing me emerge out of my dark corner as I just glared at them, “Yeah, yeah…Whatever.” I took the elevator up one floor and hastily went into the medical bay, looking around for Doctor Chakwas, “Doc?! CHAKWAS. I got a fuckin’ headache! I need those meds again!”

“Subtle as ever, Jack,” Chakwas said wryly, shifting her weight in her chair.

Chakwas looked up at Jack and cocked an eyebrow. The young woman looked a sight, slightly cross-eyed and scowling.

“Have you been taking regular time in the lights, like I’d prescribed?”

Dr. Chakwas sat hunched on the edge of one of the medbay cots and rubbed the back of her neck. From...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 23:44:10 -0600

Dr. Chakwas sat hunched on the edge of one of the medbay cots and rubbed the back of her neck. From cabinets to cots, from floor to ceiling, and hither, thither, and yon, her sick bay was entirely battle ready.

A glance at the time display informed her that it was very late, but there would be no sleep that night. She never slept on the eve of battle, not that she would want to if she could. At her age, staying up so late was getting harder and harder to do, but the weariness about her eyes and the creak in her spine were not going to keep her from her duty.

Remembering her accustomed decorum, Chakwas slid off the bed and walked over to her console. She typed out a message to Jacob, then, thinking better of it, deleted it. He would have more important things on his mind. She’d had to conduct far too many postmortem reports on soldiers whose last message had been a long declaration from a spouse or lover. There had never been a correlation drawn, but Chakwas had always wondered. Or maybe she was just a jaundiced old woman.

Chakwas smiled and shook the thought from her mind.

Jacob—-

Report to medical bay immediately for examination when your time’s your own.

—- Chakwas

She looked in amusement at her faux-serious missive. She thought he’d like that.

She did need to take a look at his sprained leg, but the idea that she would already be thinking ahead of the mysterious potential conflict that could kill them all, he’d enjoy.

She only wished she really were.

janeshepard-: engineerdaniels: Meanwhile, in the medical bay, Gabby poured over the rendered image...

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 23:15:57 -0600

janeshepard-:

engineerdaniels:

Meanwhile, in the medical bay, Gabby poured over the rendered image of the Reaper vessel. She managed to get a complete 3D image of it using the video from Nellis’ helmet cam (which she noticed the Cerberus operative had forgotten in the med bay). “There, this might help us.” She ran a hand through her hair, thinking she might be able to get Tali out of the med bay somehow. “Where did Dr. Chakwas go?” Tali gestured towards the A.I. core. “I’ll see if I can convince her to let me borrow you for a while. We can go down to the engineering and work on the engines.” Gabby walked into the A.I. core, stopping immediately when she saw Chakwas’ glistening eyes. She looked like she about to cry. “Um, sorry to bother you doctor, I just need to know if I can take Tali down to the engine room to help me out with some upgrades.”

Shepard pushed away from the table, took the few steps up to Chakwas and placed a gloved hand on the doctor’s shoulderblade. ”We’ll talk again.”

She walked past Daniels, through the med bay - stopping for a second by Tali’s cot, telling the quarian not to overwork herself - and only showed mild surprise when she saw Garrus and Donnelly exit the elevator together. She just gave them a nod, not wanting to keep them, before entering the elevator herself. It was nineteen hundred hours, ship time, and with only twenty hours in a galactic standard day Shepard figured it was an acceptable bedtime. She’d need the few hours of sleep before the Cerberus scouts started reporting in from batarian space, at any rate, and dimmed the lights as soon as she entered her quarters, barely bothering getting undressed before she laid down on her bed.

It didn’t take long before Shepard fell into an uneasy sleep, entering a dreamscape she was all too familiar with.

Dr. Chakwas gave Gabby a stern look, knowing that she had seen the tears in her eyes.

“I don’t think she’d ought to. Tali should get some rest.”

Chakwas walked over to Tali’s bedside.

“Can it wait until morning, Daniels? I think I could let Tali go a bit earlier than I’d planned, if she gets a good night’s sleep tonight.”

janeshepard-: drchakwas: She leaned against the far wall, informalizing her posture, though her...

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:36:23 -0600

janeshepard-:

drchakwas:

She leaned against the far wall, informalizing her posture, though her sense of propriety kept her from relaxing her stance like Shepard had. An unhappy grin found her lips but didn’t touch her eyes.

Shepard watched the older woman’s movements, her facial expression, the tear-glazed eyes. Part of the Spectre still wanted someone more capable to deal with emotional matters there with her, someone who could iron out the finer creases before Shepard moved in on the heart of the matter and (if it was a good day) shot it or (if it wasn’t) talked whoever needed help through it. She’d obviously have to do the groundwork herself this time, and while she didn’t really mind it since she liked Chakwas, she felt a bit like a fish out of water becaue this time, pressing on the importance of their success in the fight against the Reapers just wouldn’t cut it. This was personal.

“Far as I can tell”, she said slowly, “you were doing fine up until we got to Illium. Fine under the circumstances, anyway. I was” - Shepard searched rapidly for the right word, one that’d matter - “proud to see how well you all seemed to deal with what the Collectors did to you. We pulled the ship together faster than Miranda and I anticipated, because all of you handled it like any good soldier would. You’ve been a good soldier - an exemplary one - for as long as we’ve served together and I value that. You know I do. So whatever you need of me…” She loosened her light grip on the table, turning the palms of her hands toward the doctor in a gesture of offering.

Chakwas’ throat tightened at Shepard’s words. She knew how uncomfortable this situation was making the commander, and felt a twinge at once of guilt and of admiration.

“Shepard. Thank you. I- I’ve always given you my best. I never intend to give you any less, no matter my own… emotional state.”

The words felt alien on her tongue. When had her emotional state been a concern? She was a soldier. A military doctor, and a damn good one at that.

“You’re right, Shepard, about Illium. But it was in the manner of something contained bubbling over, not a new phenomenon. Something made me follow Fi- that girl. Something made me…”

She sighed.

“Poor Jacob.”

She looked down to her feet.

” I don’t know what happened, commander. If I did, I’m sure I could find some way to treat it.”

janeshepard-: drchakwas: Chakwas looked away again. She knew the argument was less than accurate....

Sun, 18 Dec 2011 02:18:00 -0600

janeshepard-:

drchakwas:

Chakwas looked away again. She knew the argument was less than accurate. She had crossed a professional boundary.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she whispered, finding, to her surprise, tears welling up in her eyes.

“There’s obviously more to this.” It wasn’t an accusation, merely an observation, and Shepard made sure to keep her voice even. “But I can’t help you, if that’s what you need, unless you help me first.”

“I suppose there is,” Chakwas mused. “But I can’t think why I can’t seem to make sense of it myself.”

She sighed and shifted her weight to her back leg slightly.

“”I do appreciate your trying to help me, commander.”

She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully at Shepard.

“You may be the only one who can.”

She leaned against the far wall, informalizing her posture, though her sense of propriety kept her from relaxing her stance like Shepard had. An unhappy grin found her lips but didn’t touch her eyes.

janeshepard-: drchakwas: “No time like the present, yes?” “Right.” Shepard walked calmly to the...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 20:59:09 -0600

janeshepard-:

drchakwas:

“No time like the present, yes?”

“Right.”

Shepard walked calmly to the door, moved through the almost inaudible gentle whirr of machinery and finally leaned against the table at the far end, hands lightly resting on the edge of it.

She’d noticed the masked tension, being very good at reading people but rather poor at deciphering emotional nuances. It was easy to tell that Chakwas was upset, but far more difficult to pick out what kind of upset. Shepard considered her options, thinking that if she’d encountered anything like this in the field she would’ve asked Kaidan, Liara, Kasumi or Thane to deal with it but none of them were there and she owed the doctor personal attention in this matter, even if just for the fact that they’d served together through two impossible missions.

“I’m not angry”, she said. “But if you could see yourself from my perspective I think you’d agree that you’ve been acting… out of character. Obviously something is still wrong.”

The AI core was cool and dark. Chakwas liked the still and calm of it, despite her general preference for some degree of brightness and activity. She appreciated Shepard’s forthrightness, and she knew that Shepard’s mistrust was tempered with a worry which went beyond the mission.

Dr. Chakwas had been taught from an early age to face her problems straight-backed and with her head up. So, she faced Shepard, a million emotions blazing through her, her mind racing for the right words to say.

Chakwas breathed in the chilled air deeply. The first breath came in angry. The second came in sad. The third breath came in calm.

“Commander, your concern is- I know it pertains to more than just the mission, and I appreciate that, but…”

She paused and glanced around the room, trying to say her piece right.

“As regards my duties, I am fully fit to serve. You don’t need to worry about the job I do on this starship, because I’ll continue to do it to the best of my ability.”

Chakwas halted for a moment, realizing an uncalled for heat had come into her tone. Not anger, but a certain fire, like she needed to prove to the both of them that she was capable. She met Shepard’s gaze again and spoke in a calmer tone.

“What happened with Operative Nellis was nothing. I sought only to comfort him. I-“

Chakwas looked away again. She knew the argument was less than accurate. She had crossed a professional boundary.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she whispered, finding, to her surprise, tears welling up in her eyes.

janeshepard-: drchakwas: Chakwas looked away from her work for a moment, looking over her shoulder...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:37:58 -0600

janeshepard-:

drchakwas:

Chakwas looked away from her work for a moment, looking over her shoulder at Shepard, who was peering intently at the doctor.

“Or you,” she finished.

Shepard felt a tug on her lips - not because the subject of death was particularly humorous, but because it still seemed easier for people around her to picture a krogan dying than her. That was good. She didn’t need them worrying that she might not make it to the end.

“Tali is too damn stubborn to die”, she said, glancing over at the three engineers. “Besides, she knows I wouldn’t let her.”

There were a couple of short minutes of silence between them as Chakwas went on with her business and Shepard tried to listen to the tech talk. While making an effort to understand the tech she relied on on a day-to-day basis - her biotic amp, her ship, hardsuits, the Hammerhead - she was nowhere near good with it. Well, save for the amp. She was very particular with that, as any biotic should be.

“Can’t blame her for sneaking out on you though. I don’t think ‘sitting idly by’ is an expression quarians have ever needed to use.” She stepped back, giving Donnelly room to pass. She’d considered taking Tali down to the hold with her to watch the snipers compete, but perhaps that wasn’t the best idea if she wanted the girl ready for the field as soon as possible and she really wasn’t up for pushing Chakwas on any point at this particular time… but knew she had to. “She’s occupied enough to not run off for now, it seems. You got a minute? A.I. Core’s empty if you want to stay nearby.”

Chakwas gritted her teeth, a tension showing itself in her clenched jaw.

“Yes, commander. Of course.”

She stowed the filled shots in their drawer, and, wiping her hands clean, turned to face Shepard.

She had hoped to have more time to think over their earlier conversation, but she knew well enough that it was best not to let this fester.

A half-smirk crept across her face.

“No time like the present, yes?”

janeshepard-: talichiktikka: Tali glanced at Shepard, and then returned her gaze to her fellow...

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:31:51 -0600

janeshepard-:

talichiktikka:

Tali glanced at Shepard, and then returned her gaze to her fellow engineers. “Let’s get started. We don’t have time to waste.”

Shepard nodded at Daniels and Donnelly as they saluted her and watched them for a second or two while they spoke to Tali before turning back to the doctor.

She’d been harsh with the two engineers at first, distrusting and doubtful because they were Cerberus. Making Tali Chief Engineer, and thus their superior, had mostly been because the quarian was the most talented tech Shepard knew but she couldn’t deny that she’d felt relieved knowing that one of her own people was in charge of the engineering deck and everyone down there had accepted, trusted that their CO did what was best and she’d simply had to ease up a bit after that.

“Glad to hear it”, she said to Chakwas, voice leveled. “I trust keeping her here speeds up her recovery, even if it has to bore her out of her skull.” Her eyes narrowed just a bit, the way they did when she thought about something. Shepard herself wouldn’t be able to stand being trapped here even if she had visitors coming and going all day long. “Do you need to monitor her all the time?”

“In a word, yes.”

Chakwas stood from her desk, pacing over to the sink. She retrieved a vial of meds and a handful of syringes. She had not filled Kaidan’s shots for the week, not that this was an ideal time to do so.

For one, she wanted to have something to buy her time to think in case Shepard wanted to have a heart to heart sooner than Chakwas had anticipated. For another, she wanted Shepard to see she was capable, fit for service, unaffected in her duties by her personal concerns.

Chakwas wasn’t sure that she believed it herself, but she felt it would be easier to parse out for herself if Shepard weren’t breathing down her neck about it.

“Tali would be out of here with a practically clean bill of health had she stayed and rested.”

Chakwas went through the monotonous tasks of filling syringes as she spoke. Take a syringe, screw on a needle, draw the meds, tap the air bubbles out, throw out the needle, screw on a new and sterile one, then on to the next syringe.

“I’ve said it before, but what happened to Tali might have killed a krogan.”

Chakwas looked away from her work for a moment, looking over her shoulder at Shepard, who was peering intently at the doctor.

“Or you,” she finished.

janeshepard-: As the briefing room emptied, Shepard closed the comms and was soon left alone. She’d...

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:11:00 -0600

janeshepard-:

As the briefing room emptied, Shepard closed the comms and was soon left alone. She’d have to go down to the med bay to check up on Tali as well as have a proper talk with Chakwas, but there was no reason she couldn’t let the others in her squad use the slow-moving elevator first out of politeness. It had nothing to do with wanting to push an uncomfortable conversation back a bit.

Besides, there was that faint headache - almost intangible but present at the back of her head none the less. Gritting her teeth, she activated each eezo node in her body one by one, proving to herself that she was still in perfect control. It was like the dull ache was abruptly cut off, like an inaudible voice going quiet. She didn’t know if that voice was Prothean or something far worse and she had no intention of finding out, certainly not as long as she could keep whatever it was at bay. Then again, what if she suddenly couldn’t?

Stupid thought. Of course I can. If I was being indoctrinated I would’ve gradually changed a long time ago.

She turned to the door, pulling her fingers through her short regulation-style haircut and walked out.

-

Grazing her fingers against the panel on the med bay door, Shepard felt a flash of something she didn’t have the time or need to acknowledge and pushed it aside as she stepped into the bright light.

“I missed you at the briefing, Tali. Chakwas, how is she doing?”

Dr. Chakwas turned slowly from the console she’d been working at to face her C.O. She read Shepard’s face closely but quickly. She was relieved to see much of the anger gone, but a wariness still possessed the commander which worried the doctor greatly. She’d seen that look in Shepard’s eyes before, but to see it directed at her continued to bother her.

She met Shepard’s eyes bravely. Chakwas was sorry about the salute. It had been an immature gesture, a mockery of the close friendship they shared and the years of military service which had made Chakwas the doctor and the officer she was proud to be. She thought about apologizing, but this was not the time.

“I- Surprisingly well, commander,” responded Chakwas, her tone and demeanor professional and calm. “Her breathing is rapidly returning to normal, though I still detect a slight wheeze which troubles me. The gunshot wounds have healed far better than I imagined, although she’ll have to treat that rib gingerly for another week or so. I anticipate she’ll be ready to return to full duties day after tomorrow.”

ooc: Yeah, I’m impressed with my own staying power.

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 07:37:50 -0600

ooc: Yeah, I’m impressed with my own staying power.

The fuming anger that choked Dr. Chakwas slowly receded. It was nearly comforting that Shepard had...

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:58:00 -0600

The fuming anger that choked Dr. Chakwas slowly receded. It was nearly comforting that Shepard had said they would talk later. Nearly. She thought she now had a better idea of where Shepard was coming from, but the incident didn’t feel much better.

Chakwas had thought they had a better relationship than that. The doctor had come to Shepard in her hour of need because she had trusted her. She thought the commander could and would help her. How could she have persuaded the doctor to come back to the Normandy, only to make her wish she had gone away for good? But she had.

She finished fixing the bed for its next inhabitant with an angry flourish. She noticed Tali peering at her from her cot and gave her a belligerent look. Tali immediately turned her head from the doctor’s gaze. Chakwas sighed, wiping her brow of sweat although the room was not hot. It was, in fact, slightly chilly.

Shepard’s reaction had hurt Dr. Chakwas. Shepard had viewed her with a suspicion so general and unfounded, it had come like a punch in the gut. Chakwas had done everything she could to be a valuable member of the team, to make an appreciable contribution to their success, to- Chakwas stopped this line of thought there, as she felt a familiar stinging in the back of her throat.

The sensation came as a total surprise to her, and she viewed it as though she were one on the outside looking in, a stranger to her own desire to cry. This stranger, though, was cruel and spurning to the old woman. Bah, it harrumphed, what are you doing? You old fool. If you died tonight you couldn’t be any less good to Shepard than you are now.

Chakwas swallowed hard against the painful tears of rejection. She had had quite enough of that thinking. The tears faded into her throat and eventually disappeared altogether without having been shed. She hadn’t been kept around the new Normandy for sentimentality; she had been kept aboard for her resilience and her skill. Not even she, in her despondent thinking, had a right to discount those two virtues.

Chakwas sat at her desk and tried to work at her console, but found her mind still scattered. Leaning back in her chair and holding a palm over lips pursed in thought, she returned to her reverie.

Shepard’s reaction had not been truly unfounded at all. Shepard had seen a side of the doctor the prior week which no one had seen since Dr. Chakwas’ own dear departed mother had helped her through bitter playground scrapes at 9, through the feeling of bitter futility in med school at 24, and through the loss of her first love in basic at 28. Shepard couldn’t have known that, however. How was Shepard to know that Chakwas didn’t go around breaking down to people she got moderately close to?

Chakwas felt that Shepard should have known. But what gave her the right to project this feeling of connection onto her commander? Shepard had seen Chakwas at her best, really for years. Chakwas always operated at her best. It was practically a mantra. Shepard had seen Chakwas’ unflagging loyalty, her tenacious calm under fire, her remarkable medical prowess despite limited resources and time. Shepard had never seen her in a position of weakness. She had seen her drunk, once, but never, ever, had she seen her weakened.

And now that the doctor had been in a position of weakness, she felt abandoned by her commander, and more importantly by her friend. She knew that what Shepard had seen looked bad, very bad, but Chakwas had been in control of the situation. She had been ready to send Nellis away if he had tried anything funny. The gesture of laying her hand on his arm had not even been innately romantic. She knew her speech had crossed a monster of a line, and, though she was not certain how much Shepard had heard, she hoped that that was what was troubling her.

Nellis was Cerberus. He was, for all intents and purposes, the enemy, and Chakwas had fallen for his suave line. She was frustrated with herself for doing something so feckless and out of character. She had never trusted and would never trust Cerberus. Perhaps Chakwas had acted out of emotional weakness due to her encounter on Illium. Perhaps Jacob hadn’t helped things at all. Perhaps Shepard’s kindness laced with rage onboard the Normandy had simply exacerbated the problem. Chakwas was nearing 70 years of age, and she had never once felt old until then.

It certainly gave her pause.

ooc: What it’s like to be a cat on the Normandy: a memoir.

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:39:33 -0600

ooc: What it’s like to be a cat on the Normandy: a memoir.